Tuesday, March 11, 2008

This is for Sarah

Wow… when I actually sat down to do this, I realized I was a lot quirkier than I originally thought.

1. Back in 1986, I was the only tree-hugging, peace-loving, punk-rock-listening, atheist in the College Republicans – they weren’t quite sure what to do with me. This is what they recruited for:

and this is what they got:

They tolerated me though, because I was one heck of a debater (“Logic” was one of my favorite classes in high school), and I had a slew of witty, stereotypical, knee-jerk one-liners to take down any reasonable, good-intentioned position that ran counter to “just let everybody pull themselves up by their bootstraps because that’s what I did heard someone did once”.

2. I am obsessed with cleaning my ears – always have been. Back in college, my freshman roommate was constantly brushing her teeth, about 5 times a day, and I was right alongside her at the sink, cleaning my ears. I’ve weened myself back to “Q-tipping” just twice a day, but sometimes, if I’m bored (i.e. am pretending I forgot about the list of 37 things I NEED to get done today) and walk by the bathroom sink, I have to stop for a quick re-check.

3. I am a dishwasher-loading snob. There is only ONE right way to load a dishwasher:

and I am one of, apparently, only a handful of people qualified to perform this delicate task. You would think that with ALL the dishes that are continually piled up in my kitchen:

(hello family of five who’s mom-figure is highly organized, but far, far from neat and tidy – you’ve seen my “office”), that I would be less particular about at least getting something clean to eat off of for the night. But when anyone offers to “help” me with the dishes, I just about go into convulsions because my dishwasher is likely to end up looking like this:

and while I can have this:

I can’t have that.

4. I absolutely LOVE having my hair played with – it relaxes me like nothing else. In fourth grade, I had long hair, and my best friend, Beth, had very short hair (read: hair envy). Our classes would get together to watch films, and no matter whose classroom we were in, I would sit on the floor and Beth would sit in the desk chair and brush/style my hair the whole time. Needless to say, I don’t remember seeing a single film in 4th grade. My addiction hasn’t abated over time either, and I will tolerate all manner of strange things being done to my head, just to get a little free brushing out of the deal.

5. No matter what my mood, I always cry at some point when watching Sesame Street. Maybe it’s the warm fuzzy memories of innocent times gone by (childhood) or the sweet, tender messages of kindness and tolerance – whatever it is, this show ALWAYS gets at least one insides-tightening, cathartic, “man, the world is so beautiful” tear out of me.

Now that all three girls are in school, I haven’t seen it in a while, and boy do I miss it. And of course, don’t even get me started on Mr. Roger’s Neighborhood – just typing that made me blurry-eyed.

6. I have a real knack for silly sweet nicknames (move over Hallie). Here are some samples for each of the girls:

Pouran – Plouper, Ploop-dog, Scoop-de-dooper, Ploup-alopogas, Plouperificals

Gabrielle – Schmee

Faith – “B”, Spaz B, Beeble-weeble, Bee-ster

Here’s some insight into the whole creative process. I’ll walk you through the evolution of Elle’s nicknames.

Gabrielle --> Elle --> Elle-belle --> Elley-belly --> Smelley --> Schmelly --> Schmee

Once you had a good solid core nickname, you can make derivatives of it in all kinds of ways: Schmee-bee, Schmizzle-schmazzle, McSchmozle-ator, … be creative and enjoy!

7. I hate needles. Now I know nobody out there actually enjoys getting a shot, but for me it induces a fit of mild hysteria. During my first pregnancy, I had to have blood drawn for tests. Knowing how terrified I get (and uncooperative), I brought my husband along for comfort. We go in to the lab, I’m breathing slowly and steadily to remain calm, and my darling husband tries to cut the tension a little with some humor. As I’m relaxed and “ready”, he loudly exclaims, “Man! Look at the SIZE of that needle!”, thinking the sarcasm would give everyone a good chuckle. I immediately curl up into a little ball, sobbing and shaking profusely. Needless to say, that was his first AND last prenatal visit with all three of our pregnancies. The all time worst needles – those at the dentist – needles have NO business in a person’s mouth. I’ve actually had cavities drilled without Novocain, because I’ll take pain over needles any day (and I’m a pain “wuss”). Which leads me to the point of this point: because I dread the dentist with a passion, I let a simple cavity devolve into a cavern (chunk of tooth fell off) that exposed the nerve and caused a few months of constant pain (avoiding the dentist the whole time). It finally became unbearable, so I went in, reluctantly, a couple weeks ago...
prognosis: root canal
my response: no way
result: gaping hole in my mouth


foolery said...

You are delightful, MamaMo! Thanks for commenting on my site, and for giving me the link to the FatBoy Slim and Hillary thingy. What a coincidence. Have yet to check the Hillary Duff link -- I'm almost afraid.

As a vaguely Republican, reverent Atheist, tree-hugging California realist, I will be back.

-- Laurie

p.s. I am also insane about packing a dishwasher, and will redo someone else's work every time (getting twice as much in). :)

Ok, Where Was I? said...

I redo the dishwasher too. I'm so annoyed I actually roll my eyes when I open it and someone else has attempted it. You'd think, given that I do almost all domestic work, such as it is, I'd be grateful. But I roll my eyes--I mean, who wouldn't when someone has put the plates and bowls all mixed together randomly on the bottom rack. Plates on one half, bowls in the other.

This was so much fun. NOW, I feel like I know a little about you. That kitchen photo is awesome. And the talk of the dentist, or rather the hole, still has me twitching and looking through squinted eyes and I type.

If I won the lotto, I would hire people to brush my hair and drive matchbox cars on me. Forget massages, they have nothing on a two year old using you as a mountain.

motherbumper said...

Oh to have a dishwasher to do the same to - but instead I have a "method" of washing - breakables first, cutlery, plastics, then pots&pans. Don't deviate or momma has a meltdown (not really but kinda).

Elizabeth F. said...

When I was pregnant with #3, I couldn't even think of having a root canal with a tooth that had gone bad. I had it yanked too! But, another tooth died after having a filling in it and I can't lose anymore teeth or I'll be wuite snaggley, so I had to brave it. It really was not bad at all!!

Debbie in NC said...

ROFL I was thinking today about doing a blog about Q-Tips! I was cleaning my ears and wondering if anyone else was afraid the phone would ring or someone would come up behind them while they were cleaning their ears!

I come here and you mentioned Q-Tips!

I've just started reading and intend to read more!

Republican, then Democrat, then Independent...well as much as you can be in NC.

Got rid of dishwasher...yep, gave it away on freecycle. It's just the 2 of us and I like washing dishes...yeah, weird.

Debbie said...

LOL, I enjoyed reading this AGAIN! Looks like I was here a while back :) I had forgotten about loving the needle picture!

Still hilarious the 2nd time!

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