This is for Sarah

Wow… when I actually sat down to do this, I realized I was a lot quirkier than I originally thought.

1. Back in 1986, I was the only tree-hugging, peace-loving, punk-rock-listening, atheist in the College Republicans – they weren’t quite sure what to do with me. This is what they recruited for:

and this is what they got:

They tolerated me though, because I was one heck of a debater (“Logic” was one of my favorite classes in high school), and I had a slew of witty, stereotypical, knee-jerk one-liners to take down any reasonable, good-intentioned position that ran counter to “just let everybody pull themselves up by their bootstraps because that’s what I did heard someone did once”.

2. I am obsessed with cleaning my ears – always have been. Back in college, my freshman roommate was constantly brushing her teeth, about 5 times a day, and I was right alongside her at the sink, cleaning my ears. I’ve weened myself back to “Q-tipping” just twice a day, but sometimes, if I’m bored (i.e. am pretending I forgot about the list of 37 things I NEED to get done today) and walk by the bathroom sink, I have to stop for a quick re-check.

3. I am a dishwasher-loading snob. There is only ONE right way to load a dishwasher:

and I am one of, apparently, only a handful of people qualified to perform this delicate task. You would think that with ALL the dishes that are continually piled up in my kitchen:

(hello family of five who’s mom-figure is highly organized, but far, far from neat and tidy – you’ve seen my “office”), that I would be less particular about at least getting something clean to eat off of for the night. But when anyone offers to “help” me with the dishes, I just about go into convulsions because my dishwasher is likely to end up looking like this:

and while I can have this:

I can’t have that.

4. I absolutely LOVE having my hair played with – it relaxes me like nothing else. In fourth grade, I had long hair, and my best friend, Beth, had very short hair (read: hair envy). Our classes would get together to watch films, and no matter whose classroom we were in, I would sit on the floor and Beth would sit in the desk chair and brush/style my hair the whole time. Needless to say, I don’t remember seeing a single film in 4^th grade. My addiction hasn’t abated over time either, and I will tolerate all manner of strange things being done to my head, just to get a little free brushing out of the deal.

5. No matter what my mood, I always cry at some point when watching Sesame Street. Maybe it’s the warm fuzzy memories of innocent times gone by (childhood) or the sweet, tender messages of kindness and tolerance – whatever it is, this show ALWAYS gets at least one insides-tightening, cathartic, “man, the world is so beautiful” tear out of me.

Now that all three girls are in school, I haven’t seen it in a while, and boy do I miss it. And of course, don’t even get me started on Mr. Roger’s Neighborhood – just typing that made me blurry-eyed.

6. I have a real knack for silly sweet nicknames (move over Hallie). Here are some samples for each of the girls:

Pouran – Plouper, Ploop-dog, Scoop-de-dooper, Ploup-alopogas, Plouperificals

Gabrielle – Schmee

Faith – “B”, Spaz B, Beeble-weeble, Bee-ster

Here’s some insight into the whole creative process. I’ll walk you through the evolution of Elle’s nicknames.

Gabrielle --> Elle --> Elle-belle --> Elley-belly --> Smelley --> Schmelly --> Schmee

Once you had a good solid core nickname, you can make derivatives of it in all kinds of ways: Schmee-bee, Schmizzle-schmazzle, McSchmozle-ator, … be creative and enjoy!

7. I hate needles. Now I know nobody out there actually enjoys getting a shot, but for me it induces a fit of mild hysteria. During my first pregnancy, I had to have blood drawn for tests. Knowing how terrified I get (and uncooperative), I brought my husband along for comfort. We go in to the lab, I’m breathing slowly and steadily to remain calm, and my darling husband tries to cut the tension a little with some humor. As I’m relaxed and “ready”, he loudly exclaims, “Man! Look at the SIZE of that needle!”, thinking the sarcasm would give everyone a good chuckle. I immediately curl up into a little ball, sobbing and shaking profusely. Needless to say, that was his first AND last prenatal visit with all three of our pregnancies. The all time worst needles – those at the dentist – needles have NO business in a person’s mouth. I’ve actually had cavities drilled without Novocain, because I’ll take pain over needles any day (and I’m a pain “wuss”). Which leads me to the point of this point: because I dread the dentist with a passion, I let a simple cavity devolve into a cavern (chunk of tooth fell off) that exposed the nerve and caused a few months of constant pain (avoiding the dentist the whole time). It finally became unbearable, so I went in, reluctantly, a couple weeks ago...

prognosis: root canal
my response: no way
result: gaping hole in my mouth